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Witches' Brew: April 2010

Friday, April 30, 2010

Will You Watch?: Naomi Campbell on Oprah

Oprah is on a roll these days… first Todd Bridges, then John Edwards’ mistress and now this. Supermodel phone thrower Naomi Campbell will sit down with Oprah on Monday to talk about her life, her love and her diva antics.

Naomi even signs Oprah’s “no phone zone” pledge… and she agrees not to toss her cell phone at people’s heads anymore.

The interview airs Monday, May 3rd.

So, will you watch?

Taste The Brew for a clip.

Read more »

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Meredith Vieira Says "Oh Sh!t" On Live TV

Today marks Oprah's "National No Phone Zone Day." It's her campaign to get people to stop using their cell phones when they're behind the wheel. To mark the day, The Today Show did a live simulation of what happens when you're distracted by a cell phone when you're driving. Meredith Vieira was behind the wheel... when this happened...


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Splitsville: Halle Berry & Gabriel Aubry

Halle Berry is single... again!

Halle and her beau, model Gabriel Aubry have split! Halle reportedly went to a divorce lawyer (hmmm, were they marrried?) three weeks ago to find out about a custody arrangement for their 2 year old dauther Nahla. But, no long term plans have been made yet.

Halle and Gabriel worked out a "very short-term custody arrangement," TMZ reports. Sources say Halle and Gabriel are "working well together" and are handling parental duties without conflict.

Ya know, I'm beginning to wonder if Halle Berry can make it work with anybody!


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Thursday, April 29, 2010

What’s Brewing?

Idris Elba covers JET Magazine – Gossip On This

Steve Carell quitting The OfficeStarpulse

Bobby Brown is NOT dead – Dime Wars

Usher is NOT engaged (and he hasn’t knocked anybody else up…so he says) – E! Online

Erykah Badu pleads not guilty in disorderly conduct case – Perez Hilton

LL Cool J wants to help you work on your fitness – AllHipHop

Eminem has words for Roethlisberger – ESPN

Hmm…lots of man-news today, with Erykah tossed in for good measure.  Happy reading!

Image via JET

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Brew Tube: Sandra Bullock’s Baby Speaks!

This has made my life!

Image via People
Spotted @ AverageBro

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Brew Quotes: Sheila Johnson

“Don’t even get me started. I don’t watch it. I suggest to my kids [a 20-something daughter and a college-age son] that they don’t watch it… I’m ashamed of it, if you want to know the truth.”
-Sheila Johnson's thoughts on BET, the network she co-founded with former husband Bob Johnson.

Johnson was in New York this week for the Tribeca Film Festival to promote The Other City, a documentary she produced about the AIDS epidemic in Washington, DC. Johnson said BET is making things worse by contributing to the spread of AIDS by promoting promiscuity in its videos.

Hmmmmmm...having a "heart" now, after you've built your riches?


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Toni Childs Got A Job

Former Girlfriends star Jill Marie Jones has landed a new gig. On the heels of the TBS "micro-series" My Manny, Jones has landed her own mini-show called Gillian in Georgia. Her character is described as a "hip, single New Yorker who visits her family in a small town in Georgia."

Soul Food star and "Ain't no lie, bye bye bye" dance moves guy Darrin Henson will play Jones' love interest. 

The "micro-series" is sponsored exclusively by Chevy Malibu, which will be prominently featured in the show. Interesting.

The show runs Wednesdays during Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns.

So, will you watch?

Image via Clutch Mag

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The Video Banned By YouTube

M.I.A.'s new video for "Born Free" is too hot for YouTube! The video doesn't have any booty-poppin'...instead, it has (gasp) a political message! Well, there is a smidge of nudity but not the kind you really wanna see.  Anyway, Tuesday, YouTube yanked the so-called "real and explicit version" of "Born Free" from its site (but you can still find uploads from some crafty M.I.A. fans). YouTube claims the vid violated its rules which "prohibit content like pornography or gratuitous violence."

In the video, soldiers raid a building and arrest a young man, who's been singled out for arrest because of his hair color...basically, it's genocide for redheads.. The man (and his fellow prisoners) are then put in a concentration

Heaven forbid a video should actually have a message or a point of view that isn't simply looking out a Maybach window.

So, offensive? Too graphic? Too controversial?

What's your call?

And BTW, if you lost the actual words of the song while watching the video, here are the lyrics.


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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Divorce Lawyers Having The Best Year Ever

First, I thought jumpoffs were having the best year ever. But, perhaps I need to take that back. Because of the jumpoff, divorce lawyers are having the best year. Ya see, the jumpoff opens the door for the divorce. Now, may jumpoffs may assume they are getting the goods because they’re humpin’ a celebrity. But, noooo, that payday is not guaranteed. You might just get a hump in the parking lot and a Subway sandwich.  Just ask one of Tiger’s hooors. But, it’s the divorce lawyer that has a surefire payday.

You can add Ginny Barber’s lawyer to the next in line for a nice lil lawyer payday. Ginny is the wife of former NFL star Atiim Kiambu Hakeem-Ah "Tiki" Barber (but you know him as Triflin’ Tiki). Word is Tiki was shocked Ginny went on ahead and filed the papers because it was ahead of their plans. Hmmm, I bet she was “floored” to learn about your peen-dipping too, huh, Teekster? Surprise! A source says the couple agreed no papers would be filed "until after their babies were born." Ginny is currently preggers with twins. Perhaps Ginny decided to file after spending time in the hospital while her hubby was out carousing with his young blonde. Eh? Despicable.

Next in line for divorce (perhaps)? Elin Nordegren, who reportedly recently learned her hubby, Tiger, had 121 affairs during their marriage.  Nice. *sarcasm*


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The list and the double standard

Our readers know how much the Witches love Dhani Jones and his tangy taco meat! The Travel Channel host recently gave his "boo breakdown" to Shade 45's Angela Yee and a lot of people are talking about it:
quick-witted, yet possesses a calming motherly quality
speaks languages
tall, slender (but she can be a little bit thicker)
great background
maybe light brown/olive complexion/mixed background
huge heart
creative soul
stands firm behind her man (but not in front, perhaps beside)
long hair; no weave
incredible hands
insatiable eyes
wants a huge family
can talk to a homeless person or a wealthy person
she can play in the mud in the morning and go to a black tie event at night
she’s ok on her own but she loves her man; and independently wealthy helps

Um,'s long and truthfully gave my friends pause, but we women have our own mental checklists that can be just as complex and tedious. So why then when a guy is honest about his requirements, we get a bit offended?  Why the double standard?

BTW hands are a little rough, but I'm fluent in Hoodrat and Pig Latin, my eyes are insatiable when I'm hungry and I am tall when I stand next to a "little person". Can you work with that?


Brew's Gotta Have Gadgets Gone Green

There's not much that I like more than Internet purn an entire bottle of twist cap wine laying up with mah boo chocolate dipped in chocolate with a side of chocolate chased with chocolate laying up with mah other boo anything sustainable and ANYTHING CUSTOM. Bespoke items say 'Hey, Bama, I'm way more stylish and creative and just THAT more awesome, than your off the rack, buying 'as is' bargain basement bum arse!'* And I love that.

These bamboo iPhone covers are an awesomely earthy counterpart to your hightech baby.
And the best part - you, can design your own. They also have some pre etched, for the more stick figure gifted among us. LOVE. @ GROVE MADE

*(The only thing Kanye and I agree on...well that and my Ambah Rose...*swoon*)


Brews Gotta Have Gadgets

I am always looking for ways to pimp my iPod. Luckily the people over iHome want my money as much as I love throwing it away.

Check these out:

The Capsule speaker- Compact speaker extends for surprisingly big sound for your iPod, iPhone, laptop or any MP3 player through the headphone jack. Features a long lasting built-in lithium ion rechargeable battery- measures at less than 3 inches! (Much like this unfortunate dude I used to date...)

Speaker jacket: iHM12 portable speaker case from iHome. Lightweight, water resistant speaker features flat panel NXT speaker technology and keeps your iPod/MP3 player safe with its splash proof case. Interior mesh pocket holds your player and connects through the headphone jack.

Both available at my fave site: Flight 001

At this rate I will be serving ALL you fools this summer!


I Met a Real Life Porn-lebrity!

So this witch went to Miami for some funnin in the sun over the weekend and because it's Miami of course you will upon several celebrities, some of my crew saw Eva Pigford (I have no idea what this Marcielle mess is cause her last name used to be Pigford and that's what I'm sticking to!), Warren Sapp (who smiled at me in the airport, even though no one else saw him but me, but fa real he couldn't take his eyes off me he was staring so hard...... seriously, fa real..... he wanted me bad). Then we met some kinda soca/trini rock star in Wet Willie's but none of us know who he is so he doesn't count but he was waaaaay cute!

But the bestest person that I happened upon was the Negro porn lady, Skyy Black. We were just sitting outside people watching and I happened to glance to my right and I saw her sitting there. Now I'm pretty passionate about my porn so I instantly recognozed her but I had to confirm with my equally classy but nassy lil sis that it was in fact her and she confirmed that it was. So I coyly asked "scuse me, what's your name?" and she responded ever so gingerly "Skkkyyyyy", hot damn! So I then said "oh wow, I thought that was you, we love your work!". She thanked us and said it made her feel really good to get compliments, especially from women. She's gotten a little chunky in her donkey but she still pretty much looks the way she looks in her feature films.

I was tempted to go over and shoot the chit with her but I have a tendency to get myself in some nutball situations so I felt it best that I just stay seated where I was. Next time I hope it's Mr. Marcus, whooooo weeeeee!

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Day 26 Member Comes Out The Closet?

Day 26 member Robert decided to announce that he's gay on Twitter... then, I reckon he changed his mind, cuz he deleted that mofo along with his whole dang page.  But, the folks over at BeStylistik caught it, as did the 50-11 million other people on Twitter who retweeted the announcement.

I'm sure someone over at Bad Boy or wherever these dudes sing now, will say this was a Twitter hacking or something. Anyway, are you surprised at this news?

I wonder if "Junebug" did it...


Malcolm X's Assassin Is A Free Man

Thomas Hagan, the man who admitted his role in Malcolm X's assassination, was paroled today after serving 44 years in prison.

Hagan is the only person to admit to killing the activist in 1965 in New York's Audubon Ballroom.

Hagan says he has "deep regrets" about his participation in Malcolm's killing.

Hagan had been serving time in a minimum-security facility where he took part in a work-release program. He's held a job at a fast food restaurant for 7 years. Under the terms of his parole, he must stay employed, adhere to a curfew and support his children.

Hagan is 69 years old. Had he lived, Malcolm X would have turned 85 on May 19th.

Hagan image via AP

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Social Commentary: Stanky Steeze

Let me get this straight; we have a clean and articulate (©Joe Biden) African-American residing in THE most famous address in America and I have still have to look at this sweaty Brewshyt? Rappers Maino and Wacka Flocka Flame (or What That Fugga Flame as I like to call him), recently showed up at some random party looking like...well looking like this! Granted we Witches appreciate a person who walks to the beat of his own drum (i.e., Will.I.Am), rocks his own style (i.e., Kanye) but um..I cannot co-sign on looking like you stink! C'mon Son! Why the dry lips and rogue deordorant balls on your side Wacka? Maino, how old are you? And, and, why the Sears Portrait studio kiddie tat? Doesn't a picture in your wallet suffice? WHAT.IS.THE.MEANING.OF THIS? You have made it clear from the neck tats that you have no plans to work outside the music industry, but can we just come up a little bit? Please? I know, I know, to these little young girls, this is sexy, but I just want to wipe you down, shave, then Febreze your asses! Brewchie Out...

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Jackson Kids Looking For JerHome

To quote Morgan Freeman as Joe Clark: Katherine Jackson has thrown those bastards out!

0426-jackson-kids-alejandra-02TMZ reports Mama Jackson told Jermaine's ex-wife Alejandra to take her 2 kids (with Randy) and her other 2 kids (with Jermaine... yes, mmm hmmm), pack her isht and GO!  Watching over 7 kids (remember, she has Michael's kids too) is just too much for Miss Katherine to handle.

The Jermaine/Randy spawn won't be homeless though.  Miss Jackson has a heart.  She's moving them to a San Fernando Valley condo owned by the estate.

Word is Jaafar's "let's hit Blanket with the stun gun" incident was the last straw.

Ya think?


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Betty White's SNL Promo

Here's the promo for the very long overdue Saturday Night Live hosting gig for Betty White.  She'll take the reigns on May 8th, with Jay-Z as the musical guest.  If they do a sketch together, please call 911 for me cuz I'll be dead.

Also on the special May 8th "Mother's Day" show:  Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Molly Shannon, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch.

BTW, if you missed Gabby Sidibe on last weekend's show, here's a look.  Overall, she was just... "ehhh," but I was happy she got the gig.  I think the writers could have given her more to do.

Click here for more Sidibe clips.

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Fierce or Fail?: Toni Braxton

Toni Braxton rocked this lacy catsuit with her new 1/2 mohawk recently.

Are you digging this? More importantly, would you rock it?

Snaps via Jemblog

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Now, THAT's One Ill Na-na

'70s Blaxploitation film goddess Pam Grier's new book has some interesting revelations. Among them: she had Richard Pryor to thank for a buildup of cocaine residue near her cervix! Yup. You can resume blinking now.

Grier's new memoir, Foxy: My Life in Three Acts, details her relationship with the comedian and how Pryor must have used cocaine to keep his peen (ahem) "up" during sex.

Here's an excerpt of a conversation Grier had with her doctor:

He said, "Pam, I want to tell you about an epidemic that's prevalent in Beverly Hills right now. It's a buildup of cocaine residue around the cervix and in the vagina. You have it. Are you doing drugs?"

"No," I said, astonished.

"Well, it's really dangerous," he went on. "Is your partner putting cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection?"

"No," I said, "not that I know of. It's not like he has a pile of cocaine next to the bed and he dips his penis in it before we have sex." I had a nauseating flash of one of Richard's famous lines: Even my dick has a cocaine jones.

"Are you sure he isn't doing it in the bathroom before he comes to bed?" the doctor asked.

"That's a possibility," I said. "You know, I am dating Richard Pryor."

"Oh, my God," he said. "We have a serious problem here. If he's not putting it on his skin directly, then it's worse because the coke is in his seminal fluid."

Grier told the doctor her mouth did go numb sometimes when she "mic checked" the peen, which is an apparent link to the Novocaine-like effects of cocaine.

Bottom line: ladies, protect your lady-parts (and your mouth)!



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Brew Tube: Old Spice Spoof

11 year old Christian Lee made this cute video of the Old Spice “look @ your man… I’m on a horse” ad for his Mom’s birthday. His parody landed him a spot on Ellen’s show and a nice lil treat for Moms too…

Moms is totally losing her isht right now...BTW.


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Monday, April 26, 2010

Brew Funny: That's One Crazy Arse Kobe "Stan"

This guy has to be a comedian...or I'm really scurred for the Kobester.

P.S. ...that's my fave pic of the Bryants, ever!

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Brew Bits: Granny Got Guns!

Dayum! 72-year-old Ernestine Shepherd has won several body building contest and teaches a fitness classes at her church. Watch her story, it's truly motivating!


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Brew Bits: Girl, Bye Files

Yes..that's a mug shot.. Classy.

Deep from the annals, of the: 'I'M NOT GETTING AS MUCH AIR TIME AS THAT TATTED UP WHO-ARE, FILES!' Here comes Mistress Number 2, of the um...Vanilla Gorilla, writing a letter of apology to Sandra Bullock.
Melissa Smith says, "I compromised my beliefs on several occasions and as a result will never forgive myself." (Ah, for TWO YEARS?) "Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person."

I mean does she think they're gonna be besties? I'm so confused. Read this nonsense HERE. (TMZ scares me. How do they get this ish?)

The most 'WTF?' part of this is, she appears to have faxed it to Sandra's production office. Because there is nothing you want more than your staff handing you a letter from your husband's mistress, hot off the presses. Lady, why don't you just have a talk with you God and leave Sandra out of it? This is some hoodrat stuff.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Give me back that filet of fish...

Is this chick fo' real? Ice-T's "wife" CoCo (@cocosworld) tweeted this picture of her getting a bikini wax. WHO CARES? I'd say more but we know how her pimp likes to hand out virtual bitch smack downs to Brewchies on Twitter.

Read more »

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Trey Songz: Unplugged

Remember when you could actually find music on music television channels? I think I was about 14 then. Anyway, perhaps the times are a-changin'. Trey Songz is the latest act to score his own MTV Unplugged session. And the clips have hit the innawebs. Even if you aren't a Trey Songz fan, you'll have to admit, the idea of an artist just performing his/her craft without a bunch of autotunin' and coonin', a gyrating-pelvic-thrusting dancer or a lil rapper announcing "the goon's home" is quite refreshing.

Taste The Brew to see the clips.

Read more »

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Friday, April 23, 2010

Coming Soon: "Diary of a Hip-Hop Girlfriend"

In order to get your mug on TV these days, you don't need to be a wife or even a housewife, really. All you need to be is a girlfriend. Correction, a "girlfriend" of someone famous. Not necessarily the main girlfriend, just the one most photographed with said celebrity, or the one who drives the most expensive car bought by the aforementioned "celebrity." Case in point: VH1's upcoming reality series, "Diary of a Hip-Hop Girlfriend."

The new show will follow four women who are in love with a rap star (presumably, not the same rap star, but ya never know). VH1 says “this docu-soap series follows four women who share a common bond: they understand the joys and pains of being in love with a big name rapper. Sure, there’s the glamorous lifestyle — full of bling, Bentleys and mansions. But behind closed doors, they struggle against shifting loyalties, baby-mama drama and the huge shadow cast by their larger-than-life partner. This 8-part series charts the women as they navigate their relationships with the men they love while they try to maintain a sense of self in the eye of the hip-hop hurricane.”

Don't all these shows claim to give us the nitty gritty, yet they routinely fail to do so? Anyway, no word on a release date for Diary of a Hip-Hop Girlfriend or who's been cast for the show.

Who'd you like to see on this show?


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Would You Rock It?: Salma Hayek's Boots

Salma Hayek and her hubby stepped out for last night's Christie's Green Auction in New York City. Salma rocked a cute hair cut and a simple black outfit with a pair of striking (that could be good or bad) open toed Balenciaga boots.

She says they're comfy... but are they cute?

Would you rock 'em? Take our poll...

Pics courtesy: Dave Allocca/ and Stan Honda, AFP/Getty Images

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Mo money, Mo problems?

Is it possible to feel happy AND sad that someone has hit a $258 million dollar jackpot? 29-year-old Chris Shaw of Missouri won the ginormous powerball booty on Wednesday. The convenience store worker has three children and was nearly broke when he got word of the win. He bought the ticket at his job and hasn't decided if he's going to quit yet. He did say he's taking his family to Disneyworld and buying two new front teef, bless his heart. It's those last few sentences that have a Witch petrified for our little country friend. Dude, if you're not sure that you're going to quit your $7.25 an hour job when you have more money that Bill Gates, then that's a problem. If you can't think past Mickey Mouse and 'em in Florida, then that's a problem. You can buy Disneyland...or at least a stake in the company. Think globally son! I would be chucking up DUECES to that job and everyone else at that press conference.

Lottery winners haven't had good track records so let's all pray to White Jesus that the predators don't come after this man but I'm pretty sure they've already started!

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Name Change Candidate #566: Maurkice Pouncey

So the NFL draft just went down. It's the day groupies, mouvas and baby-mouvas all LIVE for. Anybigcomeuphow, I noticed the Steelers picked Maurkice Pouncey as their first round draft pick out of Florida. That name gave me pause. Maurkice? Really Son? How about just Maurice? Why the "kice" at the end mama? I guess it doesn't matter since he's not going to have to go and get a good gubment job anytime soon with his mad stupid income, however it's a bit much, no? You fancy negrids and your hybrid name make me itch! Go that a way....

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Will You Watch?: TV One's "The Ultimate Merger"

Why lawd, why? Donald Trump has decided to put Omarosa back on our teevay screens in yet another reality show. This time, she's trying to find a man, or as The Donald says, find a man to "tame her." *Blank stare* Omarosa will get to pick from 12 bachelors on the show, which is "coming soon" to TV One.

Al B. Sure, Chef G. Garvin and Pastor Jamal Bryant all make appearances on the show! I can't with this one.

Here's a clip...

Who am I kidding... I'll be watching this shizz too. *makes room in DVR*

So, will you watch?

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Sonja Norwood Talks Sex Tape

I'm thinking a sex tape has to the be most awkward topic of discussion in front of your parents. Perhaps, that's another reason -on top of 100 others- not to film and leak one in the first place. Anyway, watch as Wendy Williams asks the question we all probably wanted to get the answer to: how does Ray J's mamma feel about her son's sex tape with Kim Kardashian?


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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Brew Throwback: Me'shell Ndegeocello

I used to pump this song something fierce back in the day... now that I'm older, this kinda sounds like the stalker's anthem.

Anyway, here's a live version of Outside Your Door

Here I am waiting.
Just waiting.
Anticipating a chance to run into you.
I sit here for hours.
One day I even sat through a rain shower.
For just a glance.
A chance to talk to you.
You're probably wondering how I even know you.
For now you're just my dream.
And when I wake up I hope you talk to me.
Here I sit outside your door.
Talk to me. 


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