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Witches' Brew: March 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Brew Video: "Massive Attack"

*Sigh* This girl just won't go away.  Here's Nicki Minaj and Sean Garrett in their new video "Telephone: The Sequel" "Massive Attack". Enjoy!

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What’s Brewing?

Will Smith causing trouble at Jada’s job? – In Case You Didn’t Know

Sandra Bullock is ready to quit this bitch? – Examiner

Get ready for The Hangover, part deux – Perez Hilton

5 things people in relationships should not put on Facebook – The Gloss

Is Elin knocked up? – Celebitchy

Shaq texts his jumpoff… and texts just like he talks (he’s no Tiger) – Radar Online

A toilet paper-eating woman? Only on Tyra… – Fail Blog

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Brew Commentary: An Open Letter To Black America

Remember when some thought Kevin Powell was simply the “angry” black guy from The Real World? Well, he’s still angry!  Kevin wrote an open letter to black America in the April issue of Ebony magazine.  Unfortunately, with the news that Ebony’s readership is dwindling, I’m not sure how many who need to read it actually will.  So, we’re posting it here as well.  Feel free to leave a comment behind, and share this with those who need to read it.

Open Letter To Black America
By Kevin Powell


This 42nd anniversary of the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is an opportune moment to reflect on how far we've come, and how far we have to go. It calls us to reconsider the words Dr. King gave us at the end of his life, when he said that we need "a radical revolution of values." Certainly, we have much to be proud of. There is the first Black president. There are more Black elected officials, more Blacks in corporate America, the media, and in very real power positions, like Oprah Winfrey, Richard Parsons, Donna Brazile, and Jay-Z.

But, if we are to be brutally honest with ourselves, we've also got to acknowledge that things have not been right for some time. The civil rights era concept that our leaders would deliver us into the promised land has devolved into the idea that all we need to do is show up and follow. We have lost the sense of individual responsibility toward collective change.

Think back to the days immediately after slavery, when it was clear that Blacks wanted two things: education and land. In spite of vicious White terrorism, we plodded forward. There was hope, and a vocabulary of purpose. These values emboldened us during the Civil Rights Movement. And they were re-born during the 2008 presidential campaign. Yet, unlike before, many of us have failed to embrace the miraculous kind of self and community transformation that led us to walk, literally, into the teeth of barking dogs, water hoses, and police brutality, mainly because we refused to let anyone turn us around.

Taste The Brew to continue reading...
Read more »

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Brew Music: Usher, Nicki Minaj + Janelle Monae

Usher is hittin’ em hard this week, tryna move these kits. Peep his new vid with, “OMG.”

Nicki Minaj continues to attack us with her, um, ass vocals? Here’s her video for “Massive Attack” (feat. Sean Garrett). Is anybody feeling this song though? Reviews have been quite mixed.

*I see you Amber Rose*

And, the uber-talented Janelle Monae has teamed up with Big Boi for her new her video, “Tightrope” (no, not the Kim Zolciak tightrope).

You likey?

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Quite Possibly The Best Post Ever

These two are working together!  The end.

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Nas & Damian Marley Announce Tour Dates

Gas up the spaceship Kelis cuz the checks are finna come in.  Nas and Damian Marley are about to hit the road to promote their Distant Relatives collabo. 

Here are the tour dates:

May 2010
2 - West Palm Beach, FL - Sunfest
21- Arcata, CA - Arcata Community Center
22 - Eugene, OR - Cuthbert Amphitheater
23 - Seattle, WA - Showbox SoDo
25 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater
26 - Santa Barbara, CA - Univ. of California, Santa Barbara
28 - Los Angeles, CA - The Wiltern
29 - Las Vegas, NV - The Joint
30 - Valley Center, CA Harrah's Rincon - Open Sky Theater
31- Los Angeles, CA UCLA - Jazz Reggae Festival

June 2010
2 - Santa Fe, NM - Paolo Soleri Amphitheatre
8 - Houston, TX - House of Blues
9 - Austin, TX - Stubb's Waller Creek Amphitheater
11 - Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo Music Festival
12 - Atlanta, GA - Tabernacle
13 - Orlando, FL - House of Blues

July 2010
31 - Brooklyn, NY - Williamsburg Waterfront

August 2010
1 - Bridgeport, CT - Gathering of The Vibes Festival

Go here for ticket information.

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Brew Tube: Newsflash, You Are NOT A Single Lady

Dammit, Beyonce is ruining the youth!

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Rape, The Game?

As if there isn’t enough smut in video games these days, a new game out of Tokyo called RapeLay is kicking up a sandstorm of Brewshyt.  The “game” encourages players to fondle women in crowded subway trains.  The player is encouraged to rape young women and even convince them to have abortions if they get knocked up… and thousands of gamers are playing. 


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Gabourey Sidibe To Host “SNL”

Huh? So, what’s all that talk about Gabby Sidibe never getting another good gig in Hollywood?  Huh?  What’ch say Howard Stern?

On March 14, a Facebook group entitled “We want Gabourey Sidibe to host SNL” launched, with the mission statement of getting the Oscar-nominated “Precious” actress to host the sketch comedy show. Mission accomplished, if early reports are to be believed.

E! is reporting that Sidibe will host an episode of “Saturday Night Live” in the coming weeks.

No date for the hosting gig has been set yet.  But, damn, she got the job faster than Betty White.  White’s fans had been campaigning for months to get the Golden Girl on the show.  She’s set to host May 8th.  Oh, and by the way, “Precious” has a Showtime series coming up too, so take dat, take dat Howard!

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Twittervention: Lance Gross & Eva The Diva

Ok, we know ya'll broke up and all that... but must you put each other on blast on the debbil of the innawebs? Can they just block and unfollow eachother on Twitter already? Damn.

Stay classy my friends!

Image via Corkery/News

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If You Like It, Then Put A Magnum On It!

Fellas and fella-ish ma'amsirs, step on up and get you one of these here Beyonce blow up dolls, ya know, in case of emergency...... give that hand a rest why don't cha!

It says she comes with 3 holes, I say 7 if you count the ears and the nostrils like I've been known to do (hey don't look like that, I be trying thangs.... gots ta keep it spicy!)

If it's real pleasure you're after, I say play this in the background and make it real sessy!

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Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

"We fall down, but we get up..." we interrupt the following gospel moment to deliver Breaking Brew about this big-faced sinner who could use some of White Jesus' blessings! Bryson Bryant a.k.a. NeNe Leakes' basement baby was arrested last night. T-Painer with the soap opera name turned himself in on an outstanding warrant. That warrant stemmed from an additional charge related to his March 7 arrest for possessing some stanka dank! This studio gangsta needs to go back to that fictional school he was claiming back on RHOA and stop playing with me!

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Will You Watch?: Brandy & Ray J’s “Family Business”

Looking for a soulmate jump off wasn’t enough for Ray J. So rather than do another season of Ray J’s Brothel, VH1 is doing a show about the “business” of the Norwood family. The show features Ray, big sis Brandy (who opted to leave the crapper singing behind and film this instead) and their parents. Here’s a clip…
Brandy & Ray J: A Family Business” premieres April 11th at 9 pm (ET) on VH1. 

Will you watch?

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What’s Brewing?

Trey Songz takes some pictures and looks damn good (I'm shameless) – Complex

Stand and Deliver” teacher dies: RIP Jaime Escalante – LA Times Blog

Offensive cartoon depicts President Obama as a rapist! – Jezebel

Sarah Palin looks like the kind of woman Jesse James would date – Huffington Post

Kim “Tardy For The Party” Zolciak and her girl lover break up – Perez Hilton

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony rapper pistol whips his momma? WTF – The Grio

Christina Aguilera is back! – In Case You Didn’t Know

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Tech Talk: Split Costs With Your Cheap Friends

No wonder America’s education system is going down the crapper. Now, we need an app that divides the bill when we go out for dinner with friends? I thought there was a calculator for that.

Splitcosts is an app for your Blackberry that quickly and easily divides your bill when the check comes. 20 different currencies are supported, so it’s not just for us Americans spending dollars (if that makes you feel better).

You can even take pictures of receipts and email them to the company accountant (ok, not if you’re spending it in the champagne room with Michael Steele though).

Click here to download Splitcosts for free. You know you wanna.


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Scarface, For Kids

I don’t know whether to be disturbed or to think these kids might have futures in Hollywood.

Video director Marc Klasfeld (the guy behind Jay-Z’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” video) directed this version of “Scarface School Play” with professional child actors in LA. Video of last month’s production went viral this week. Klasfeld says he expected some people to get their pannies in a bunch over the subject matter, but the father of two says he wonders why people who are vocal about the play aren’t as vocal when it comes to the sexualization of young girls in our culture. Ummmkay.

You watch and be the judge.

*Fudge you, Tony*

What’s your call? Tacky or artsy?


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Brew Tube: Karl Rove Needs Some Security

Former Bush right hand man Karl Rove might wanna get a bodyguard or call the Fruit of Islam or something because hecklers are going in on him hard. While giving a speech in Beverly Hills, CA yesterday, the co-founder of the group Code Pink rushed the stage and tried to make a citizens arrest on Rove.  The event went to hell shortly after...

Chaos! I love it. Take dat, take dat, Karl!


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Could Erykah Badu Be Charged?

It seems Erykah Badu could be looking for more than a window seat if any witnesses from the video shoot step up to complain about her random act of nudity.

Dallas police are reportedly considering whether to charge Badu with indecent exposure for her guerilla-style video for “Window Seat.”  NBC affiliate KXAS reports that if a witness decides to come forward and complain, Erykah could be charged with a misdemeanor, which carries a maximum fine of $4,000 and up to a year in jail.

If you look closely at the video (no, not at Erykah, but at the surrounding “witnesses”), you’ll see there are a few children in Dealey Plaza where the video was filmed. I guess there's concern that some parents could complain, perhaps.  Badu tweeted that she hoped any children there would not be “traumatized” by her exposed body.

One thing's for sure... this album should be a smash with all this talk about the first single. 

Anyway, people need to get over it.  What’s done is done. I sure hope nobody comes forward with complaints. Afterall, kids are exposed to far worse images than the human body in its natural form.



Howard Stern vs. Jamie Foxx: Day #2,904

Another day, another radio clip. I can’t even keep up anymore. Yesterday, we posted Howard Stern’s response to the verbal lashing from Jamie’s crew. Well, it seems there was a little nugget we missed in that YouTube clip: the part where Howard pretty much calls Jamie gay. Take a listen.

What say you, Jamie?

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Brew Tube: Usher on GMA

Usher hopped on GMA this morning to plug his long-awaited “Raymond v. Raymond” album, which *officially* dropped today. It’s his first release in 2 years and frankly, several versions of it have been moving on the innawebs for months. But, nonetheless… are you still planning to cop it?

Check out Usher’s performance of “There Goes My Baby.”

*And somebody remind Usher it’s called Good Morning America for a reason*

Image via WENN

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Nothing Will Make Me Like You, Kate Gosselin

I don't know how this happens to me. Each season of this vapid reality dance show, I vow: This is it. I will not waste 800 hours of my week watching the rhythmically challanged try to ballroom dance. But like so many resolutions, this one was broken by the thought that just maybe maybe the ABC censors would throw caution to the wind and let Chad OchosRios (I refuse to spell a made up ass name ''correctly") dance in the nude, like he likes to train. Because I am a durty durty Puma. Two weeks into this suckfest, and I'm already annoyed. Here's the run-down

SHANNEN DOHERTY: Brenda, I heart you and your gap tooth grin. But was it always sooo damn gappy? How did I miss this? Did you go in for the Madonna special? I have dental questions dammit. I want them answered! As the woman who helped give me HEATHERS, you can do no wrong. As you were.

Neicy Nash, you can actually dance-ish. Yay! And I speak the language of "butter" as well!

Bachelor Guy, when they announced you were next I went to the pisser, sorry dude. (no pic b/c who are you?!)

Olympics Dude, ditto.... I drink a lot of water. (no pic, b/c I don't care)

ESPN lady, I like you.. but not enough to find a pic of you online. Good luck!

Dear Buzz Aldrin, I am begging, please sir please do not die on my television set. I have had a ROUGH YEAR. ROUGH, and it's only March. I do not think that my constitution can take it if you die on my television set.

Love, Bianca

Pamela Anderson, whatever you are smoking, puff puff pass.

Aiden Turner, you give me lady wood. That is all. Oh and I totally think you and Edyta are smooshing....and her husband watches. Now, that is all.

Chad Ochounodostres, lay off flirting with the dancin' brawd and get to moving your want fame? FAME COSTS, BITCH! Debbie done told ya!

Kate "Original Recipe Octomom" Gosselin. 1. you are NOT a celebrity. 2. You have no talent. 3. 'Doing it for the moms out there?'...why must you punish them? Is their life not hard enough with wiping poop and puke, that you must subject them to your robotic moves and snide condescending ways? I predict this is your last week. Buh Byes. And blowing kisses to your kids is more effective when they are in the room, you succubus. Furthermore, the way you speak to men, you will be single forever. REAL TALK TUESDAY!

Nicole Shirtshanger... Skirtsteak Sherzinger, you are mad stupid muldooky pretty. That is all.

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You Pay Now! Kelis Ordered To Pay $5,000 Hair Hat Tab.....

DIZZAM!!! I mean I lubs me some high quality huur that had a prior owner, Lawd knows I do! but money to spare or not, I am not paying $5,000 nuffin for my hair add-ons! Is this what Nas's hard earned child support is going to? Are you seriously telling me Kel's pays money for this?


Kelis has been ordered to pay $5,000 for a hair weave after allegedly failing to settle a salon bill.

The Milkshake hit-maker is said to have received the hairstyle at a Santa Monica, California salon last May - but faced legal action from her stylist over the alleged outstanding debt.

Legal documents were subsequently filed and the case was sent to trial - but Kelis failed to attend the hearing on Monday, according to

The website reports that the judge entered a default judgment for the R&B singer to pay the full amount.


Brew Love: Black Couple Have Been Married for 85 Years......

Awwww, see I knew it was possible! Herbert is 104 and Zelmyra is 101, they live in NC.  For more on their story go here. It looks like this was posted in '09 so I hope they're still with us, but very nice story nonetheless.

The same person farting on me for 85 years????? Hogging up the remote? Man that's real love..... Imma cry.......


Monday, March 29, 2010

Census Chief Is Sorry About That Negro Thing

If you haven’t answered those 10 little census questions yet, then you may not know one of the racial categories on the census is “Negro.” The move sparked an uproar among Black folks who thought they’d awakened to 1957.

Census Bureau Director Robert Groves now says he’s sawwy about that little mishap.

Negro please! Who is still self-identifying as Negro?

By the way, “we can’t move forward until you mail it back!” (Hey, it's stuck in my head, so you might as well join me)

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Howard Stern Takes Shots At Oprah

The fallout from Howard Stern's comments about Precious star Gabourey Sidibe continues. Stern is now firing back after last week’s ripping by Jamie Foxx’s radio crew. Now, he’s got his guns aimed at the Queen of All Media, Oprah Winfrey… every other thick actress and Jamie's whole radio crew.

*takes popcorn out of microwave, waits for a response from Jamie's crew*

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Brew Music: Marleys, Kelis + Fabolous

A couple of Bob’s children have united with Capleton for a new song. Check out Damian and Stephen Marley’s new vid, “It Was Written.”  I really need the Marley kids to make more music together or do a world tour...somethin'.

Kelis is making her way back to the music scene. And I’m pretty happy about it. We need another dose of different out here these days. Here’s her video for “Acapella.”

And, Fabolous (sidebar: I have to check the spelling whenever I write the King's English version of “fabulous” since this cat’s been out… he’s ruined my spelling knowledge) is back with a new one too. It’s called “Body Ya.”

You likey?

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What’s Brewing?

OMG, Ricky Martin’s gay? – The Superficial

Kid Fury translates Kat Stacks’ groupie tales [This is MUST SEE TV right 'chere] – Crunk + Disorderly

Nick Cannon’s making money – Perez Hilton

Is Ludacris about to jump the broom? – Mz.Inferno

Beyonce? Pregnant? Not! – PopEater

Elin wants no parts of Tiger’s comeback – Socialite Life

Jesse James has a 4th mistress? – I’m Not Obsessed!

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Brew Dating Woes: A Steak and a Dream.......

So you know, there's this dude right, he's cool, sparks never fly between ya'll but you're willing to give it the ole college try on a dating level. Butterflies and sparks are for kids anyway, or so you tell yourself . So ya'll go back and forth on what you'd like this first date to look like (he's playing mad games though cause he sees you're a sturdy girl so he knows damn well you want it to fall somewhere on the food line) and decide you'll play it by ear because you both have pretty full schedules. So then one night outta the blue he calls and says "Hey meet me at such n such place, I'm here with some folks I know, I would love to buy you a meal and spend some time with you". BAM! he said meal! you are out the door!

But...... you get there and much to your surprise, some folks = his whole entire effin crew! Like every friend he's ever had in his entire life. It's really more like 'boys night out' but for some bizarre reason he invites you out to join them. Now he sticks to his end of the bargain as far as the meal he felt so compelled to buy you, however he gets you situated in a spot that's comfy for you, tells you to order what you want and then goes back over to his boys and leaves you alone with a steak and a dream....

HUNH??? How weird is this? Now he does come over periodically to check on you and make sure you're doing good meal wise  but he's really there to date his boys. Now are you wrong when you give your # to some of the other menses in the vicinity who find you pretty hot n tempting??? Wrong or not, that's what I did. Ole boy was so engrossed in dating his boys that he was never none the wiser. Clearly, our thing never went anywhere but he still insists to this day that I'm the apple of his eye. But who dates in this fashion?? As long as I live in this DC area I swear I will continue to be stunned and amazed by the dating scene here.

Not so bad though I suppose, at least I get some steaks for my troubles.......


Cornball Corner: Lil Freak a.k.a. Michael Steele

Guess that Urkel steeze is just a front huh? Our favorite non-threatening Negro, Michael Steele, has been busy as Chairman of the Republican National Committee. His busy days are apparently filled with flipping through the pages of Neiman Marcus' Christmas catalogue for a private jet and pit stops at freaky clubs! The Daily Caller's Jonathan Strong is reporting on Steele's financial shenanigans which include spending thousands on lavish hotel stays and long nights holding "board meetings" at a bondage-themed club in L.A. where topless women reportedly simulate lesbian sex acts. That's why we could barely find him when it was time to reprimand those Tea Partiers for trying to take us back to the 50s...he was in the Champagne Room! Michael Steele you are so sitting in the Brew's Cornball Corner for this Brewshyt!

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So.... Speaking of Gray Puberty Hair.......

Peep these "puberwear" draws created by two Finnish artists. I suppose this could be a quick no fuss solution to the winter wonderland problem down below .....


A lot of eyebrows were raised in Helsinki this week when some unconventional undergarments went on sale in a local market—the images aren't the most work-safe, so we've kept most of them after the jump. An example of the hairy chest tank top can be seen below.
"Hairy Underwear" is the latest work of Finnish art duo "Tärähtäneet Ämmät" —a name that translates to something between "loony ladies" and "nutty tarts," according to the artists Katriina Haikala and Vilma Metteri.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Erykah Badu Talks Nudity & Booty

Erykah Badu (@fatbellybella) is finally speaking about her new video, “Window Seat,” which some may think is controversial while others are just perplexed about the concept. She admits to going guerilla style with the video and getting buck booty nekkid in front of random tourists and strangers at Dealey Plaza’s grassy knoll in Dallas. Of course, all the talk went down on Twitter (click the tweets to enlarge images):

It's kinda cute she gets the "okay" from the babydaddies. I think?

Erykah also addressed a little blog hate rumor going around over at Sandra Rose’s spot that she shot the video in front a green screen and that her booty was digitally enhanced in the vid. She quickly squashed that rumor.

BTW, if you haven’t seen the video yet (of your freaky arse wants another gander at her butt), click here.

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