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Witches' Brew: September 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Brew Commentary: Enough with the "N" Word!

Our very own Brew Dude, "Ask a Cash," has hidden talent, aside from telling chicks they ain't all that, Boo Boo. Turns out... he's got quite a view on one of the many ills plaguing our community. Check out his latest work, titled "Get Off."

Get Off
We escaped Pharaoh, and made it through the mist of the wilderness,
Defied every odd and made them all sit and witness it,
Learned to read and write when we were struggling to be free,
Have our shows, they thought we’d never be on TV,
Did naturally what they needed training to master,
Covered our pain and sorrow with the healing of laughter,
Broke records in a field as segregated as golf,
Watched them emulate our style, mimic the “cool” way we walk,
And we’ve touched every field from doctor to astronomer,
Lawyer, chemist, broker, even called us “Your Honor”,
And the President? We did that. Even some of them love rap,
But if you want me to be real, I still don’t understand that,
With all that we’ve done and accomplished, go figure,
We still think it’s okay to call another man a “nigger”,
And pull triggers on brothers in a request to be thugs,
Wanting to own your own label, meantime you sell drugs,
I’d love to gather you up, maybe I’ll say you’ve won the lotto,
Tie you and bleach your skin and blame it all on vitiligo,
Cause you’re part of the problem, you’re batting for the other team,
I mean, don’t be deceived thinking that because a dream,
Has been fulfilled that it’s all over, weights still on our shoulders,
And we will never get over as long as we let that word mold us,
And we created trends, why not? Abolish the word and plot,
Our own destiny outside of what you hear in hip-hop,
Cause bigots don’t die, but they’re dying of laughter,
Every time we use the word, time to change this chapter,
And recognize that, with all that we’ve done, we’ve done nothing,
Mentally shacked, going nowhere but running,
Cause “ghetto fabulous” is mainstream mediocre,
And until we stop using it, we’re never gonna get over,
And that’s “keeping it real”, by definition in fact,
If you want to get off something, then “nigga”, get off that…
*snaps snaps*


Brew News: So Long, Saturn

General Motors has run outta gas on its Saturn line. Penske Automotive Group had agreed to buy the Saturn unit, but Penske announced today that it's a wrap on that plan. As part of the original deal, GM would keep making the top-selling Saturn models for a year and a half. Penske would then sell the cars on GM's behalf. The deal would have kept 13,000 people working.

But... Penske yanked the deal, citing concerns about supplies after GM stopped making the cars. So, GM will end the brand and its 350 dealerships across the country.

Another one bites the dust!

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T-Pain Realizes He's An Idiot

You really have to be some dummy to go at Jay-Z these days. I guess Teddy Penderassdown realized the err of his ways and is attempting to get back in Mr. Carter's good graces over a Drake beat. Take a listen...

You'll recall Mr. Pain went on a little eff Jay-Z rant recently:

Jay-Z is 59 years-old so I don't think he has the right to say what's good and what's not. I mean if anybody's dead, it should be him. That's just me. Now I just want to clarify, if there are any Jay-Z fans in the house, excuse the fuck out of me. But you don't hear me saying that rap is dead. Even though it is because apparently all the rappers are trying to do T-Pain.”

In the 3rd verse, Pain addresses the Jigga incident:

“Alright, so let's talk about the Jay shit. Some days I wish that I ain' t never say shit and Diddy said ain't no excuse for what I did but I felt like he was knocking the same shit that feeds my kids."

"But by all means, don't take this as a diss or hatin', I just wanna explain my side of the situation, so if you knew just how much respect that I had, you'd know I'm a real nigga when I say, “My bad.”

This makes me wanna cue up the video when Young Buck cried for Fiddy's forgiveness.

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Brew TV: Here's What You'd Earn If You Were Clinically Stupid

The salaries for the cast of one of the most vapid 'reality' shows have been published... I want to drop an effing anvil on my head so I can make the same! All they do is blink and stare at each other. I CAN DO THAT, I CAN SOOO DO THAT!!! HELLLOOO!! Call me! Life is so easy for the young blond and severely dumb...

Lauren Conrad - $125,000 per episode (her contract also stated that nobody on The Hills could make more than her)
Kristin Cala-mari - $90,000 per episode
Heidi Montag - $100,000 per episode
Audrina Dimwitshername - $100,000 per episode
Lo Bosworth - $100,000 per episode
Spencer Pratt - $65,000 per episode
Brody Jenner - $45,000 per episode

Story at the Daily Beast


Tech Talk: Text With Your Voice

States are cracking down on cell phone use while driving. In Maryland, texting while driving becomes illegal tomorrow. If your lifestyle is too fast-paced to simply focus on driving while you drive, then check out Vlingo.

Vlingo is a voice-activated service that allows mobile users to press a button and simply talk their text messages, Google searches and even Facebook status updates. It works really well and, over time, the system even learns your voice. Vlingo works on Windows Mobile phones, iPhones, Blackberries and Nokia phones. Basic use is free but if you want to upgrade to sending texts and e-mail, you will have to pay for the app. It beats getting bailed out or getting a ticket though!

If paying for an app isn't your thing, then check out It's a free app that reads your emails and texts in real time.

Or you could just put your hands on the wheel and actually drive!

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Serena Finally Claims Common

Sigh... oh well. There goes that Common fantasy.

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Brew Music: Consequence, John Legend, Kanye West

With all the drama of late, you might forget Kanye does music too!

Here's a reminder.

"Whatever U Want"

Do we like?

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Brew Fashion: "So Ambitious" Tees

That Pharrell sure knows how to make a buck, don't he?

The Billionaire Boys Club is releasing three tee shirts to commemorate Pharrell's work on Jay-Z's "Blueprint 3" album. The shirts will contain quotes from the Pharrell-produced song "So Ambitious."

The shirts will retail for $80-100 each.

Taste The Brew to see the rest of the designs!

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Tech Talk: Recession iPhone Case

Man, this recession is a mofo! First, you scrimp and save and raid the couch cushions for an overpriced, pocket-sized computer/camera/typewriter/radio that makes calls, then you run out of money and can't buy a quality case. What is the world coming to?

Enter: the Case-Mate iPhone recession case. You can even get the thing "personalized" with free Sharpie script. Now that's a deal!

The thing has many uses too... you can make White Castle sliders in it! Go figure.

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Brew Pix: The Jolie-Pitt Girls Have More Style Than You!

The hat to the killin me softly...

Love the Pre-schooler Boho chic... awww look and Z's getting a billy-goat ride...seriously.. you look like a serial killer, dude.

Halle Burry Bishes answers the cougar 'sexy' casual debate. See, Mariah, we can't see her heart beating and she looks amazing.... look into that!

And Jimmy Smits is NOT amused...


"I Quit This B*tch!!" Man Turns Himself In to be Deported......

Man it's sooooo real in the field out here. Seems ole boy is so super down on his luck that he went to the police, admitted guilt to stealing someone else's identity and then requested deportation......

FRAMINGHAM, Mass. - Police in Framingham, Mass., say an illegal immigrant from Guatemala entered a police station, told officers he had stolen another man's identity and asked to be deported because he could no longer make ends meet in America.

Police told The MetroWest Daily News they arrested 29-year-old Carlos Boc after he confessed Saturday night.

Lt. Paul Shastany said Boc told police he wanted to return to Guatemala but can't afford a ticket. He told police he has no job or money and is worried about surviving the winter. He told police he came to the U.S. 13 years ago.

A not guilty plea was entered on Boc's behalf Monday at his arraignment in Framingham District Court on charges including identity fraud.

A home number for Boc could not immediately be found.


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Will You Watch? Tv One: Life After -- Taimak

Are you interested in hearing from Bruce Leroy himself how things pretty much went to chit for him after 'The Last Dragon?" I am! Oh and he'll be tweeting while it's on. Follow him @

Comes on this Sunday at 10:00 pm....

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Brew Bits: Fiddy Diagnosed With " Fat Joe Wacktose Intolerance"

*(Wacktose Intolerance is a lil fav of mine I got from Rhymefest hee hee!)*

So yeah anyways, apparently the innawebs were all abuzz yesterday that Fiddy was rushed to the hospital, here's the rundown:

This afternoon while in his Manhattan offices, employees say that 50 Cent was listening to Fat Joe’s new album, “J.O.S.E. 2″ when all the sudden, he collapsed! An ambulance was called, and by the time they arrived, 50 Cent regained consciousness and was complaining of blurred vision and a severe migraine. 50 Cent was rushed to Mt. Sinai hospital at 4:26 pm.

Doctors say after performing a Cat Scan and EKG there seems to be some damage to his auditory cortex, which is the region of the brain that is responsible for processing sound.

LOL! Fiddy is truly something else..... when he has a grudge there is no letting go, not now, not ever!

Joe's gangsta twitter response was:

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Humpday Hmms....

  • Posed by a friend on Facebook: Is Roman Polanski the YT equivalent of R Kelly?

  • Is it simply annoying if someone signs birthday gifts and cards from them and their pets (and you are NOT the caretaker or a household member) or a sign of clinical retardation?

  • Why does it seem as soon as I bust a poot someone comes walking into my
    office, with an issue that needs instant attention? And why are they pretending they don't smell that? It smells like a decaying corpse is holding a rancid bag of sulfur around my anum (just made that word up.. half anus- half bum...feel free to steal). I love raw veggies.. mah bad.

  • As an adult, are you not allowed the luxury of ignoring your parents' social networking friend request?

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Hot Off The Presses...

This is what OK! Magazine paid thousands for? Lotsa false lashes, chin and fo' head? A few pictures of Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's $1 million dollar E! wedding are up on OK!'s website. Word on the curb continues to be that this little shindig of a wedding is fake since details of the pre-nuptial have not yet been worked out but Lamar say it was real as it can get for two people who just started dating three weeks ago. This just doesn't sit right with me for many reasons. The main one being Lamar has three chillren with ex-girlfriend Lisa Morales yet he couldn't wife her? And how does he let the woman who labored for hours to have his offspring know that he's wifin' up this Chyna lookin' broad? In a text! Wow, what a blow to bebeh mamas everywhere. You can pick up the latest edition of OK! with the rest of the flicks tomorrow.

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Who Does It Better? Janet vs. Mariah.......

The dressed age appropriate Janet who looks absolutely stunning........

Or the 50 year old Mariah who dresses like Mylie Cyrus if Mylie was a street walking "lady of the night"...........

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First Lady Says She's In The Best Shape of Her Life at Age 45......

If she can do it, the rest of us have no excuse whatsoever.....

First Lady Michelle Obama says she can indulge in French fries and still have those famously buff arms – but it takes some work.

"I try to have no absolute no's," Obama, 45, tells the November issue of Prevention magazine. "I love French fries, I like a good burger, and I like pie. And that's okay. I would be depressed if I felt I could never eat the things that I love."

And there's a lot to love in the White House kitchen. "There are some great bakers here," she says. "If you like pie, it will be there always – at every meal. So for me, it's about setting up new boundaries. I had some challenges with that, but I'm balancing out."

A big part of that, the First Lady says, is her early-morning exercise regime. She varies her 4:30 am workouts with Pilates, cardio, stretching, and weights. "I enjoy arm exercises because you can see what it's hitting," she says.

A self-described "closet jock," Obama says she's been in the best shape during her 40s. "I've had more time [to work out] as my kids have gotten older. There was a period, actually right before the campaign started up, that I was really in tip-top shape. I was really there. And then my husband ran for president," she jokes.

The key, she says, is moderation. "I also don't want my girls to be obsessed about food," she says. "We don't have a 'no junk food' rule – I just want them to think about their choices. When my older daughter asks, 'Can I have pie?' I'll say, 'Did you have it yesterday? Well, what do you think?' And she'll come to the conclusion that, 'You know, you're right, I shouldn't eat pie every night.'"


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Kanye Kirks Out... Again!

Kanye West got mo' drama than all the Real Housewives... including table-flippin' Teresa!

Kanyizzle kirked out at a charity event over the weekend. reports Kanye wen't o-f-f at Common's benefit show at the Hollywood Palladium when he saw others eating chicken and he wasn't offered any. You know how ya'll Negroes like that yardbird.

After seeing someone chowing down on the chicken, 'Ye said:

"Why wasn't I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and]
everyone is eating... why am I not eating?"

The waitress said Kanye never asked for food. Kanye clapped back: "Well, I'm asking now!"

Kanye took a bite of the chicken and tossed the rest in the trash. Maybe someone didn't wanna let him finish... I'm not even going there this week.


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Got $240K? Buy A Blackberry

Luxury designer Alexander Amosu is launching the world's most expensive Blackberry. The custom Blackberry Curve 8900 will retail for $240,000!

Don't choke.

The Curve will have 29 carats of diamonds. And, maybe, if you wish hard enough, you can live in it too!

So, who is Alexander Amosu?

Now, only a brotha would come up with this Blackberry madness.



Our mantra here at the Brew: Men come and go but hot shoes are forever!

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Top Twitter Parodies

I admit it. I'm a Twitter lame. Or a lame Twitterer. Or a lame tweeter. See, I don't even know the proper lingo. I try to tweet from my phone, but that takes too much time and frankly, it makes my Blackberry run slow. I cannot have that! I don't even know if it's really worth it to have folks all in my business, wondering what I'm doing today, what's on my mind, blah blah blah. And furthermore, I can't even remember everyone's Twitter handle. All I know is the "@"... after that, you're shit outta luck.

I just don't get all the fuss. And clearly someone finds the Twitter craze a bit crazy too. Check out these top Twitter parodies.


Twitter Tracker

Twitter Kid Stalker

All Atwitter About Twitter

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Twitter Frenzy
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorRon Paul Interview

To see more parodies, click here.

Oh, and follow the Brew on Twitter while you're at it!

Shameless plug


Brew Throwback Video: Kissing You, Total

Dedication Part Deux to $20Paul, this brings back so many memories....I want my money man.. with compounded interest.

Anyways, enjoy Total- who gave us the R&B oxymoron of 90's bad singing with good songs!

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Who's Wedding Is It Anyway?

We Witches love the kids so I'll refrain from any more comments about this purple-people-eater-themed wedding of the century. The touch, the feel, the fabric of our lives! For the rest of these spectacular pictures, head over to Dlisted!

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WTF Pic of the Week.......



'Rospel' and the Youf..........

Two lil man churren go at it Patti/Aretha style sangin for the Lord.......

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"I'm a Hustla, Imma Imma Hustla!!"

Key Key Cole is now pushing hair crack..........

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Lisa and Al Sittin In a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!..........

The is reporting that perm-tastikal Al and the former Mrs. Turks & Kinkos, Cairo... ok whateva the fug, you know what I mean! anyhoo, the ybf just got word that they are an official item!!!

I'm done, tag me out!!

Yeah you read that right! And trust me…we’re more shocked than you are. has learned that Al Sharpton has been getting it in for the last few months with none other than LisaRaye.

Here’s what we know: A few weeks ago our source (a MAJOR publicist in the industry who shall remain nameless) told us that Al and LisaRaye–both barely divorced–are indeed together now. When we asked the obligatory “WTF?! Why?” The answer is because Lisa knows she’s not getting into any of these “society and political” events without a man who could bring her along. She’s also starved for media attention–surprise surprise–so Al is her “In” into that world. And Al–well he’s just happy to say he can have a chick that looks like LisaRaye on his arm and whose perm looks better than his. The two have been confusingly spotted at a few events together like the NAACP Image Awards and Michael Jackson’s memorial services…

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Brew Throwback Video: Aint No N*gga

This is also a dedication to my 1996-1998 boyfriend $20Paul, who thought this was a good look as 'OUR SONG'. I will never forget how you would 'ask me' for $20 dollars when I was IN the shower and how you would "hear" me say "get it from my purse"...If I ever see you and your wife and kids walking down the street, I'mma take your baby's stroller as repayment. You were fine as hell doe... no doubt. Bitch.

Anyways...enjoy a pre-clink homemade porno Foxy and a pre-Bey Camel.

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Catfight: Lloyd & Ciara

Lloyd and his lucious locks are going after Ciara. Lloyd claims it's because Ciara is smelling herself as my Granny used to say, "I don't f**k with Hollywood b**ches and she's like one of the chicks that's just changed along the way with the fame and the money and all of that." Damn, Lloyd go hard or go home I guess. He added, "I don't really get down with her anymore on some real s**t. The truth hurts, but it will set you free. But I wish her all the best." I will say that since Ci-Ci has been living in L.A. it appears as though she's embracing that life. She's been spotted looking extra skinny and hanging with new besty Kim Kardashian. Or is Lloyd offbase? Oftentimes when someone leaves their hometown to do bigger or better things, it's misinterpreted as selling out. I believe it's probably a bit of both in this case. Time will tell...

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What next?

While ignants in Kanye's hometown of Chicago were beating each other over a street they mama don't pay taxes on, Ye's boo Amber was getting a lip piercing. I wonder does she wake up and think, WTF am I going to do to myself today? If I see any chicken head in the club rockin' a blonde baldy and a lip piercing, I'm going to go postal, stat! For more pictures of Kamber head to Bossip!

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A Special "Thank You" To Our Loyal Male Readers..... Bria Myles


Don't get me to lying bout who she is or what her specific booty grinding field is...... I on't know!

Just wanted to send a special thank you to the fellas and from experience I know nothing says "thank you" better than exposed, swole booty meat, enjoy......

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