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Witches' Brew: December 2009

Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Special Wish For You...


Brew TV: "One Life To Live" Gets Saucy

ABC (the same people who were up in arms about Adam Lambert's gay smooch when most kids should have been in bed) made history yesterday by airing the first gay sex scene on daytime TV.  "One Life To Live's" Oliver & Kyle got it innnnnnn by candlelight and even did some spoonin!  One of the actors, Scott Evans (the guy who plays Oliver) is openly gay. 

Surprisingly, the world did not explode and the Pope's head didn't pop off.

But, was this a groundbreaking moment for the gay community or a bit of hypocrisy on the part of ABC (in light of the whole Lambert thing)?  What's your call?

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Brew "Music": Flavor Flav

Who said Auto Tune was dead?  Clearly, Flavor Flav didn't get that memo.

Check out Flav's new video, “I'll Never Let You Go.”  I guess we can call it a ballad (or ballet, if you've been to the Chris Brown grammar school).

I guess I should issue another Brew Apology for this one, huh?  Give the man a break... he's got 427 kids to feed.

Happy 2010!

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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Kid Cudi Doesn't Give A...

Kid Cudi is still talking about that fan punchout incident.  He's apparently still very angry about how the media has portrayed him since he socked a fan for reportedly tossing a wallet on stage. 

(BTW, feel free to toss wallets, cash-stuffed envelopes and rubber bands of cash my way anytime... I will not punch you!)

So the lesson here children: A) Cudi does not give a f**k and B) Cudi just wants to smoke his weed.

Class dismissed.


This Is The Hottest Song Out?

"Rapper"/"singer"/I don't even know what to call her, Ke$ha just bumped Jay-Z from the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 with her first single, "Tik Tok."  It's sold 610,000 downloads since it debuted on iTunes three weeks ago.  Her sales have set a new record on the Billboard charts for the most ever digital single sales for a female artist... and she doesn't even have an album out yet.

But, um, how can I put this... the song is, um, uh, well... you listen.

And yes, that's Diddy at the beginning.

Anyway, you likey?


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Rihanna: Fashion Designer?

It seems Rihanna is considering a career in fashion!  Let's hope that includes a little less sangin' and boob-flashin'... and bit more sewin'.  Ri told a London paper that she's got hopes for fashion work and even a film career (*scratching my head on that one*). 
"I've taken some acting lessons so hopefully one day I will have time to do something like that. There is so much I want to do, something in fashion as well. I just want to keep getting better." 
Maybe these songbirds can hop on the fashion-only train with her...

*...drafting the "girl, just model" memo right now...*

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White Meat Heat of the Week - George Clooney

Who am I kidding... this is white meat heat of the century right here.  This man only gets finer with time. I don't know if he's Botoxin' or juicin' or what...but whatever he's doing, he needs to keep it up.  I think he needs some Black in his life though.  Call me George!

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Check Baby Check Baby 1-2-3-PUNCH

Teddy Riley is speaking out about the alleged Rock Band guitar smackdown he's accused of delivering to his daughters two days before Christmas.

Riley released this statement:
Due to recent events, I am compelled to respond in detail to accusations made against me, by my daughters.

I love my Daughters, but I will not allow my children to disrespect me in my home. Contrary to what I have been accused of, I would never beat my children.

Perhaps, I should have been a stronger disciplinarian as they were growing up. I worked very hard so that my children would want for nothing.

In hindsight, I see that it was a mistake to give them everything they wanted so that they could have the childhood I never had. Unfortunately, they have taken me, and the privileged life I have given them, completely for granted.

Instead of being appreciative and realizing how fortunate they are, my children have an inflated sense of entitlement and expectation without having to work or earn their way.

However, my children' are no longer children, they are adults and I am trying to instill in them values and a work ethic of their own. My mother always told me "too many grown people can't live in one house" so I encourage them to have their own homes if they cannot abide by the rules of mine. I am not an uptight Dad, I am as hip as they come but I will not tolerate being taken advantage of or disrespected, especially in my home.

I've been working since the age of 14, I bought my first car by myself. Nobody gave me a car. My kids don't even remember their first car. I grew up with 6 of us in an apartment fighting over one bathroom. My kids have never had to share a bathroom, let alone a bedroom.

I'm asking everyone to let this one go... I'm only being a good parent. I'm a great father and everyone who knows me, knows this is true.

Thank you so much,

With all my love,
Teddy Riley

Ok, I was rolling with ya Ted until the "let this one go" comment. 

Now, unless this "kid" is rocking a heavy dose of MAC blush all over her face, then I'ma roll with the theory that there's more to this story than what we're hearing.



Cornball Corner: Slim Thug & Groupies in Bafrooms!

I swear Twitter is the new crack! Rapper Slim Thug twitpic'd his latest hunching session  with some groupie in the bathroom. Wait! That sounds like a hook to one of these ignant negrids songs, "I Twit groupies in the bafroom, in the bafroom...I Twit groupies in the bafroom, in the bafroom!" Okay, I disgress. Anylookingforpublicityway, this former tight braid coonoisseur is in this week's Cornball Cornball. Psst, @Slimthugga, there's a black man in the White House if you HAVEN'T NOTICED. Letoya Luckett come get cha old boo, stat! 

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Thriller Makes History... Again

It's still hard to believe that Michael Jackson is gone.  I have my moments where I'm groovin' and then it hits me... he's dead!  But one thing that will never die is his musical legacy.  And now, a major part of that legacy will live forever at the Library of Congress.

Today, the Library announced it added "Thriller" to its National Film Registry.  To make the cut, the film has to be deemed “culturally, historically or aesthetically significant to be preserved for all time."  "Thriller" is the first music video to make the Registry.  The 14 minute video is among 25 films added to the 2009 list which includes "The Muppet Movie" of 1979 and the 1975 bank robbery drama "Dog Day Afternoon."

The Library of Congress described the video as a lavish production that "revolutionized the music industry."  True dat!

I guess this means Ola Ray makes history too, huh?

*runs to kitchen and does Thriller dance break routine*


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Mario Goes Topless For PETA

Mario's gettin' a lil nekkid for animal rights group PETA.  It's part of the group's latest “Ink, Not Mink” campaign.  The tagline is: “Be comfortable in your own skin, and let animals keep theirs.”

But c'mon, ya'll just wanna see his nipples anyway.  Enjoy!

(I sure hope that's not a leather belt though... #justsayin)

Find out more about Mario at

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Brew Music: Reflection Eternal + Jay Electronica + J. Cole + Mos Def

With Lil Wayne going to jail and Gucci Mane already serving time, my inner self was hoping for some good music to jump in and make up for all the vapid rap that's currently on the airwaves.  I swear, if I hear one more Drake song, I'm going to drive off a bridge.  Is it me or do all his songs kinda sound alike?  Anyway, say no more... here's some fresh Hip Hop that more than makes up for the wack flows we were subjected to in 2009.  It's Reflection Eternal (Talib Kweli and Hi Tek), Jay Electronica, J. Cole and Mos Def and it's called "Just Begun."

Reflection Eternal - Just Begun Ft. Jay Electronica, Mos Def & J. Cole .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

Wooooo!  *Repeat!*

Word on the curb us Talib and Hi Tek are putting out a Reflection Eternal mixtape that drops tomorrow!

Thanks SUpreme for the tip!

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Diddy Saves A Drunk

Sean Combs and Ciroc vodka will offer $15 taxi debit cards and one-way subway metrocards in New York City and Las Vegas (the rest of you drive and die?) to ensure folks who drink a little too much of that vodka get home safely.

Street teams will distribute thousands of the debit and MTA cards to adult consumers in New York City between 8:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. on New Year's Eve. In Las Vegas, they will distribute pre-paid taxi cards at key venues and high traffic locations.

Nice guesture I suppose...

Though I'm sure these people just wish that he'd just get run over by the New Year's Bus.

BEEP BEEP, oh no!!

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Recession Proof Job #45: Amy Winehouse's Publicist

Just the thought of being Amy Winehouse's publicist makes me hurl hairballs. The troubled soul singer is reportedly due to spend New Year's Eve in a hospital following a lonely binge drinking episode. This is like the 50-11th time she's been in the hospital over some Brewshyt! Her very public battle with drugs has ensured her a suite equipped with a stomach pump that's surely seen a lot of work. I thought she was cleaning up a bit? And there's also word that she is ready to re-marry her ex-husband and resident street urchin Blake Civil-Fielder.

Just imagine how many calls her publicist gets each day from media and her pushers? Instead those inspiration posters with sayings such as  "Motivation" and "Drive"...that publicist has probably got "reaction to a prescription medication" or "exhustation" as running screen savers!

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Brew Music: Live Shows About Town


His name is Wale not Whale or even Wall-E for that matter, and he'll be at my favorite venue on New Years Day, well really New Years Day NIGHT...momma is too damn old for this show staring 11:30 pm. At 11:30pm, I'm dreaming about the Matlock episode I just watched. But you youngin's go on and get you some DC style rappin' rapped atcha, you crazy kids, you. Maybe you'll have a sighting of the 'That Other Knowles' with she alleged, Boo who's name isn't Wally. WALE featuring UCB, 11:30pm Doors - Late Show

Wiz Khalifa, Remy, Fly Gypsy

Brew Beauty Chrisette Michele on Feb 23rd, will hopefully have a show time more mindful of granny's bed time...(you hear me Chrissy!?)

Ram's Head Live

AWWWWWWW DIP, Timbo is branging his head full of Virgina Farm Raised Hot links to Bmore. Unless he's bringing Esthero (I Stan for some Esthero!) with him, then exiting his leather legging wearin' arse stage left and letting her do her own show...I'mma pass on this one. But if you fancy yourself a big fan of Tim Mosely get yer tickets here!

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Brew Apology

Ok, I have had this song stuck in my head allll morning. I don't know why, I don't know any of the words besides the 'I be strokin', that's what I be doin!'

But I want it to stop... so here, you have it. Sorry?

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Would You Rock It?: Leather Corset

Check out this leather corset from Antiseptic Fashion.  It's available on Etsy and comes in a rainbow of colors from black to walnut, even iridescent purple and vegan "leather."

I think I need this in my life... sayyy, for those quick runs to the grocery store.  I mean, life is short, might as well be fabulous, right?

Anyway, would you rock it?

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Will You Watch?: One Big Happy Family

TLC debuts its latest reality show tonight. This one follows the Coles…a morbidly obese family from North Carolina. The mother weighs in at 380 lbs. The dad is 340. The 16 year old daughter is 348 and the 14 year old son is 308 lbs. One Big Happy Family details the family's struggle to drop weight, sans nutritionist and trainer. There's no screaming Jillian and Bob in this one. Instead, the Coles say they did their own research and used the innawebs to learn about getting healthy.  Some critics are already calling it The Klumps meet Tyler Perry.  You be the judge...

The show airs tonight at 9 pm (ET) on TLC.  So, will you watch?

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WTF Files: Teddy Riley Goes Psycho On Kids?

Teddy Riley is accused of going apesh!t on his daughters. His 18 year old daughter Taja filed a temporary restraining order against her father. She claims he beat her and her older sister with a guitar used in the video game "Rock Band."

Taja says Riley stomped, punched and bashed them in his home, 2 days before Christmas. Court documents say Riley lifted the guitar and threatened to kill them with it. Taja says she suffered several injuries in the alleged attack: including, "bashes to temple, contusion on face" and "pain in knee." Teddy's been ordered to stay 100 yards from her. The next hearing is in January.

FYI: Riley has eight kids.  Recently, he's worked with Robin Thicke and Lady Gaga, so he isn't under the radar or training dogs like his other Guy counterparts.  Grant it, this guy hasn't had a major hit in awhile, but you don't make up for that by "hitting" kids (allegedly).  What the hell went on in that house?

UPDATE: Thanks to Brewchie "Pamalicious" for the tip.  Apparently this whole "beatdown" was chronicled on Twitter.  How do you tweet and beat though?  Anyway, the beef between Teddy and his daughters appears to be about Teddy's new girlfriend (you know how the kids don't like the new broad in town).  The whole thing played out on Twitter (AKA, Da Debbil) and led Teddy to subsequently delete his account.  Sigh!  A pic of his daughter's bruises is also circulating the innawebs.  Oh boy!

Image via YBF

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Rising From The Ashes… Shyne + Scott Storch

Shyne is planning to drop some new fiyah for the people. The former Bad Boy is working on his first album in more than 10 years. And, to add to the "where is he now" factor, he's got Scott Storch producing it.

Storch was reportedly talking to Shyne throughout his prison sentence (Puffy? Not so much.) Storch says the two actually became friends after Shyne went to the slamma. Storch said:

"I'm looking forward to doing, not just one record, but doing a chunk on his album... He's in full effect. He's got people sending him tracks. I have a feeling he's going to make a really huge album... He's got a lot to say."
Now, that's the understatement of the year.

No word yet on a release date.


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Lil Wayne's "Farewell" Concert

Lil Wayne put on a lil show in New Orleans last night.  He's calling this his "farewell tour" before he starts his jail term in 2010.  He told the NOLA crowd that he's "nothing" without them.  Wayne will be sentenced February 9th for weapons possession.  His plea deal will likely get him a year (or a "year-ish" in T.I. terms) in prison.

Um, a "farewell show"... who does this lil Negro think he is?  Cher?!?

Another 2009/2010 wish... Lil Wayne go away!  (I think the wombs of all the hoodrats he could impregnate in 2010 just cried a sigh of relief!)


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Brew Throwback: Erykah Badu

Sigh...doesn't having a new crush feel good? They haven't left floaters in the toilet yet. You haven't heard the SAME DAMN STORIES over and over...and over again. They have yet to say something to make you want to punch them dead in the larynx.
New crushes are delicious torture...word up Erykah.

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Monday, December 28, 2009

Separated At Birth? Case #9998098-80XL

(The Airplane Christmas Bomber)

.......Why you ova there lookin' at me?

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"You're So 2000 'n Late": Case #45134

While we're taking a look back at the Good, Bad and Ugly of the past year...over the next few days we'll be pointing out some Brewshyt that needs to be left behind in 2009!

Picture Gestures

Okay, we get it, you're hard. So why do mofo's still find it necessary to flick the photographer the bird or the peace sign in every shot? I think men like President Obama and cutie Hill Harper (@hillharper) have shown the world that it's cool to be smart again so save the exaggerated steze for Neveruary!

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Brew Wrap-Up: 2009 Year In Review

2009 was a year of firsts (first Black president and first Brew posthey, we’re shameless pluggers around these parts), a year of come-ups and falls from grace.  And, sadly, a year of untimely deaths.

As 2009 comes to a close, let’s take a look back…

Falls From Grace

·      Chris Brown: beating up Rihanna then complaining on Twitter that no one wants to sell your new album qualifies you for King of the Cornball Corner.
·      Tiger Woods: you could have cheated with the Queen of Zamunda.  Instead, you pick the bar maids.  WTF?
·      Joe Wilson: who shouts at the President? But “You Lie!” does have a certain ring to it…especially when you’re in a work meeting.  #justsayin
·      Plaxico Burress: serving jail time for shooting yourself? I think Plaxico translates to “what a dumass” in Swahili.
·      Kanye West: he stole little Taylor’s moment then went AWOL.  But I think everything this man does is part of an elaborate plan so his “fall” really isn’t much of a fall at all.  Stay tuned…


·      Michael Jackson
·      Walter Cronkite
·      Patrick Swayze
·      Naomi Sims
·      Farrah Fawcett
·      Ed McMahon
·      Percy Sutton
·      Sen. Ted Kennedy
·      Steve McNair
·      Mr. Magic
·      DJ AM
·      Chris Henry
·      Wayman Tisdale
·      Natasha Richardson
·      E. Lynn Harris
·      Billy Mays

Come Ups

·      Barack Obama: well duuuuh… he “came on up” all the way to the White House and the Nobel Peace Prize.
·      Mo’Nique: okay, so she has a volume problem and doesn’t realize she shouldn’t yell when she’s wearing a microphone.  But, her performance in Precious was one of the best acting jobs of the year.  “Precious…take yo azz to da wellfayah!”  Classic.
·      Taylor Swift: country music fans knew who she was… the rest of us probably didn’t, until Kanye West happened.
·      Lil Mama: who knew (or cared) who the little man was before she jumped on stage with Jay-Z and Alicia Keys at the VMAs?
·      Kim Zolciak’s wig (it’s still a hair hat, but she’s trying.  I guess.)

                      Old                                       New                                 

·      Susan Boyle: 48 year old Scottish singer who’s “never been kissed” sticks it to these young non-pants wearing “singers” to the tune of 3 million units…and counting.
·      Jump-offs (see Tiger Woods)
·      Sonia Sotomayor: first Latina Supreme Court Justice makes more waves on the high court in four months than Clarence Thomas has done in 18 years.
·      Twitter: a social watering hole that allows “celebs” to amass a following and think they’re more important than they are.  Sadly, more news seems to be broken via Twitter than the real “news” these days. (Oh, and follow us @lawitchesbrew if you aren’t already… another shameless plug)
·      The Kardashians: we have a blog ban on these chicks.  But you can’t deny, these broads were everywhere in ’09.
·      Glee: the FOX show made it hip to sing show tunes.
·      Whitney Houston: the voice is still a wee bit shaky, but she’s back and at least she’s trying.  After all, she could look like this still…

Just Go Away…Already

·      Stories about why smart, cute, 30-something Black women aren’t married.  Ok, we get it.  We live it.  Thanks.
·      Octomom
·      The Gosselins
·      Frankie & Neffe (mainly Frankie)
·      “Rappers” whose lyrics don’t add anything to the social discussion (looking at you Soulja Boy)
·      Sarah Palin

What tops your list of events for 2009?  Be they infamous, heart-warming or scandalous, leave your 2009 re-cap in the comments section!

Here's to a more peaceful and prosperous 2010!

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